This week, Econsultancy’s anti-format of useless stuff from the web is as varied as it’s ever been.

We travel from the Alsace to Stockton, and meet Nicolas Cage and Larry David, among others.

When you’re done here, of course, sip again from the warm broth of our reports and blog.

But for now, stay awhile, for it’s so cold outside.

Zombie impressionist paintings of the week

It must have been mighty dangerous to paint these ‘en plein air’, but George Pfau is a man dedicated to fine art, and showcasing the everyday, the minutiae of zombie life.

Click the canvas to explore the rest of his work.

Larry David of the week

This week it’s Larry David.

It’s precipitating boyfriend material!

ASOS really is the retail king of content.

Click to experience the warm rain of Ryan.

Website of the week

Boy is this a worthy winner. Click to enjoy.

Virtual shower of the week

Experience it here (headphones required).

This isn’t a political blog..

Having said that, last week we featured a tweet by Andrew Rawnsley, and this week I’m including this incredible round-up of Tory politicians as they could’ve turned out. There but for an accident of birth.

Click to explore more Tories.

Delirium-tremens simulator of the week

These beer bottle gifs do the trick. Click to enjoy more.

Magazine cover of the week

This week’s winner is Bitch, featuring as it does, laser-eyed sloths.

User experience of the week

The microwave with the buttons on the inside.

Giant foodstuff of the week

Readers, if you’ve only just learned what a parmo is, you’ll now have to come to terms with the existence of a 20ft monster of chicken, cheese and bechamel that is currently terrorising Stockton, in the North East of England.

Here it is, halfway through construction, being measured by a nun. Click the picture to read the boring article.

Wine Society copywriting of the week

This week’s email from the Wine Society was delightfully specific, the subject line asking ‘Ordering for overseas colleagues this Christmas?‘. Quite nice I thought, to flag up the overseas shipping deadline ahead of the festive season.

Aside from this inventive use of email, I’ve copied my favourite bit of Wine Society copy I’ve seen this week, profiling the Gewurztraminer of Alsace. If you’re new to this series of posts, the Wine Society flies the flag for the most lyrically dextrous of industries, with some incredible product descriptions and a lovely newsletter. Check them out.

Gewurztraminer – The pink-skinned gewurztraminer is the grape most associated with Alsace, and gives of its best here. There is nothing self-effacing about this grape which is probably why people tend to love it or hate it.

With a heady aroma of lychees or rose petals and a full, spicy flavour (gewürz means spice in German), this is one of the few wines which can keep pace with Chinese or Indian food.

Its soulmate, however, is a ripe Munster cheese. A dessert gewurz is excellent with any pudding containing ginger.

Andrew Warren-Payne quote of the week

This week’s quote from Econsultancy’s most English of analysts is a pearler.

Salmagundi of the week