Sure pirate metaphors are very 2012 but I’m taking my inspiration from Rebel Rebel era Bowie, circa 1974.

So today I’ll largely be wandering around the office with an eye-patch, bumping into things due to a lack of depth perception and calling any colleague who comes near me a “hot tramp”.

Although I have already been told to remove the off-the-shoulder catsuit I half finished knitting last night.

Philistines. Just wait till they see me next week when I enter my ‘sad-clown’ phase.

On with the round-up!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch…

Turn and face the Gif! 

Helen Green created this fantastic journey through the many eras of Bowie, each one beautifully illustrated. It is however slightly unnerving the way Bowie’s eyes follow you as he turns his head. At least you can’t see his cod-piece.

If movie posters told the truth

The ever hip and mischievous movie blog The Shiznit has a grand annual tradition of injecting the posters of Oscar nominated movies with some much needed truth serum. This year’s batch contains some if their best work so far.  

What is The Moon?

Ever since the human race first opened its eyes and looked upwards, we have struggled with the eternal question “what the hell is that white ball thing in the sky?” Is it a star? A planet? A moon? Now finally the mystery has been solved thanks to these pioneering QVC presenters…

Next mystery: “who the hell is Chunky?”

Choose Your Own Adventure

I miss Choose Your Own Adventure books. It’s just not the same being a grown-up and having to read endless Ian McEwan novels. Atonement would have been a lot more fun if with any given page turn there was a chance Robbie Turner could be slain by a troll-witch.

Luckily thanks to Terence Eden you can relive the joys of CYOA with Twitter. Here’s a blog post Eden wrote describing how he created the story, and the necessity of creating various accounts to build the possible narrative directions…

And here’s where you can begin your treacherous journey, brave warrior. 

Just watch out for that Briony. She’s worse than any troll-witch.

Glit happens

Do you hate it when you open an envelope and it’s full of glitter? Do you also have people in your life you wish to extract revenge upon? Have you ever thought about combining the two? 

ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com is a service that will literally do just as it name suggests.

That’s right, you no longer have to murder anyone or silently keep your resentment bottled up inside (which of course is the real killer, am i right?) Now you can just send them a buttload of glitter in an envelope. 

Sure you could do it yourself rather than pay an Australian company $9.99 for the privilege, but then you would have to visit a craft shop yourself and nobody wants to do that.

Clarifications and errors

From the Twitter account of Guardian’s style guide…

Go back to Drone school

The pure joy of watching someone who has just spent thousands of dollars on a drone and then flying it directly into a house.

Greatest Of All Time

This is every goat in the United States of America. One dot equals 500 goats, making 2.6m goats. Incidentally this article is from The Washngton Post. I would make some snarky comment about journalistic standards but I fear that would draw fire towards this little corner of Econsultancy so I’ll just keep my big fat mouth shut.

So yeah, there are loads of goats in America. Go figure.

All the films and television Steven Soderbegh watched in 2014

Feel better about your own viewing habits with this comprehensive list of ‘things you should watch if you want to be like the director of Magic Mike and Out of Sight’. Like 10 episodes of House of Cards in two days, every Black Mirror and Die Hard with a Vengeance.

Here’s a handy visualisation from FiveThirtyEight

8-bit Guardians of the Galaxy

Superheroes? Check. Guilty pleasure filled soundtrack? Check. Foul-mouthed animal sidekick? Check. Chris Pratt? Check. There’s only one thing that could possibly make Marvel’s triumphant Guardians of the Galaxy any cooler…

Take me to the Great Northern Province of Mead!

Here’s a mildly sozzled guide to America’s favourite booze by region, courtesy of Vinepair.

Everything is not awesome

Finally, for those miffed at The LEGO Movie’s lack of Oscar nomination for Best Animated Feature, here is co-director Philip Lord’s response…

That’s your lot. Me and the internet will be back next week. In the meantime for your entertainment may I recommend purchasing a colouring book from a local charity shop or car-boot sale. Often they are less than 50% completed.