Hello, I’m the new guy. As such it is my utmost* privilege to present our weekly selection of things on the internet that are somewhat amusing, connected loosely together because, you know, they’re on the internet.
Essentially, please do our work for us so we can contine to stare longer at the greatest meme of all time.
The increasing ubiquity of Cookie Monster
He’s not just taking up valuable real estate on Newsnight, the crazy-eyed, blue guy wants to consume the entire internet.
Click on that beautiful furry face above to be taken to the bookmarklet and prepare to OmNomNomify your favourite websites for the next… uh four or five minutes. (I recommend your own Facebook account.)
Future proof your career as a rap artist
Yeah, I’m sure that applies to you. Check out this simple forecasting tool from Rap Genius – crunch any word used in 25 years worth of hip hop lyrics to discover the exact point when ‘crunk’ lost its popularity and ‘twerk’ began its irrevocable rise.
Here you can see how ‘swag’ has massively taken over from ‘trill’ and ‘swerve’ over the last eight years. Take it from me, you gotta stop using trill and swerve in your freestyle flows, future-rappers.
It’s just a cat!
Fear not, vulnerable hero/heroine within horror film pulling back a curtain… it’s just a cat. Phew! Maybe next time you’ll be murdered.
Unless of course you are mortally afraid of cats, than that’s double-tough for you.
Combining the twin stereotypes of Sweden
Is it Ikea furniture? Or is it a death metal band?
I had a less than a 25% success rate with this, however I can already hear Matt Owen nailing it. He loves Ikea.
Brides throwing cats
Tumblr has reached the tipping point, ladies and gentlemen…
Hmm, there’s an accidental anti-cat agenda today. Let’s add some balance…
Bad kid’s joke of the week
Yeah. Kids: they’re as stupid as cats.
The Godzilla teaser trailer only available in glorious MS Paint
Warner Bros. quickly pulled a teaser trailer for the forthcoming Godzilla reimagining/reboot/remake/copyright–retaining-exercise as soon as it went online.
Luckily the guys at The Shiznit caught a brief glimpse and lovingly recreate it here with the only tools that could possibly do it justice. Click on the angry lizard above.
DO NOT make eye contact with me!
It’s specifically written in my contract. Here’s a New York Times quiz to see how well you read emotions…
…and whether you can tell the person opposite you is a psychopath or not. I’d imagine they probably are.
Democracy in action
When Back to the Future is an option, there is surely only one option.
Who is quieter?
A ninja or a Navy SEAL? This six-year old boy discovers the answer to a question that has plagued enquiring minds for decades.
Wish I’d thought of that.
Quentin Tarantino is an unsurprisingly eager film fan
Here’s Tarantino’s top ten films of the year so far featuring The Lone Ranger, Kick Ass 2 and This is the End (!?)
What time and regret will do to that list who can possibly say?
Now’s probably the right time to get the government reopened then…
CNBC defines ignominy.
Brian Blessed shouts at Judge Dredd through a megaphone
And thus we drape a sheet over the budgerigar cage of the internet and say goodnight.
*Dubious! Sorry, just remembered the word I was looking for earlier.