Lists. From the dawn of time human beings have yearned to rank everything they see in a certain order.
From the Neanderthals ranking caves in order of roominess in the annual AA Best Cave magazine, to Victorians ranking penny farthings in order of least to most precarious in the monthly Pennies For Your Thought journal, to the future when the enslaved human masses will be ranked in order of juiciness to gristliness in the daily email from OverlordDevourer.com, it is indeed safe to say we all love a list.
Did you know that you’re even reading a list right now?
That’s right, your favourite weekly roundup of all that’s great and distracting from the internet is in fact a list.
“By what category is this list ordered?” you ask. “Best to worst? Alphabetical? Highest trending on Twitter?”
It’s none of those things. It’s an algorithm of my own creation that’s extremely complicated, would take me too long to explain here and frankly you’re better off not knowing.
Hands off nerds, they’re mine
In what will be the only Star Wars reference in this week’s round-up (pinky swear) LucasFilm has unveiled the names of the mysterious new characters featured in the teaser trailer for Episode VII in the form of Topps style trading cards from the late 70s. So fanboys and fangirls meet BB-8, Finn, Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron and Kevin.
This Crocheted Man
Kate makes knitted dolls of Morrissey for a hobby. They are quite brilliant.
Although if you do visit her website she insists that there are no dolls for sale. “Please understand that doll-making is my hobby and not a business. I make dolls only when it pleases me and never to order” which sounds exactly like something Morrissey would say.
O Come All Ye Fearful
In what is becoming one of the more welcome Christmas traditions, Christopher Lee has recorded another heavy metal carol to make your insides shake and your ears bleed. You can download the single on iTunes, or listen to this sneak preview here…
Never has the phrase ‘because the internet’ ever been more appropriate
Redditor tulogit held a contest on Facebook to determine how to wrap the hood of his 97 Grand Marquis.
This is the glorious result.
Yes it’s Bob Ross painting a picture of a cat playing a pizza on a turntable with a space background, what of it?
Pong while you wait
Amelie Künzler and Sandro Engel, two interactive design students at HAWK university in Germany, installed a crosswalk button that allows strangers to play Pong with one another while they wait for the light to change.
Is Bean a geometric mean?
Sean Bean dies the most in films right? That’s a widely known cinematic AND scientific fact. However The Nerdist has uncovered some startling evidence to the contrary.
Although Sean Bean dies in almost a third of his films, John Hurt and horror legends Vincent Price and Bela Lugosi outpace him by at least 10 movies. The silver lining in this is that two of those actors are dead in real life so there’s plenty of time for Bean to catch up.
Back in a Digimo
Friend of the blog Henry Ellis and Tamar have been recreating some of the ‘digital moments of the year’ on Vine and Instagram using everyone’s favourite bright yellow resource.
In amongst the swirling mania of crackpot theories involving The Beatles website The Beatles (as they were presented to us) Never Existed gets right to the heart of the underlying conspiracy involving the Fab Four: the individuals named ‘John, Paul, George and Ringo’ never existed in reality, instead they were an ever-changing roster of charlatans. Here is the damning evidence (some of which seems to be a work in progress).
Spider-man is actually a cat person reveals a surprising glimpse into Peter Parker’s home life.
Not pictured: a mix-up at the scratching post.
When Kate and Wills met Jay-Z.
“So terribly sorry to hear of your ninety and nine problems.” pic.twitter.com/S2zxEAhicd
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) December 9, 2014
Parks and Trek
So fitting, it ought to be real.
More can be found from Neill Cameron here.
Elton John falling off his chair
I’d make a I’m Still Standing reference here, but one can hit the nail on the head too hard.
’tis the season
Should you need a soundtrack for the rest of your day, whilst desperately trying to keep Slade out of your head. Here is Popdin’s best songs of 2014. I think I can unbiasedly say it’s the only ‘best end of year song round-up’ you’ll need and yes it features Taylor Swift in it, so don’t worry.
That’s it for this week. Me and the internet are off to hurriedly buy Christmas jumpers because we’ve been guilted into it by our colleagues who have been drinking mulled wine all day and are slowly turning on us.