You probably assume that I have a list of headlines for this weekly round-up saved on a spreadsheet somewhere, so I can just pick one at random any time I need it.
You’d be wrong.
This is how a typical Friday morning goes…
I spend seven minutes collecting together stupid stuff from the internet. I then spend four minutes copying and pasting some jokes from Viz. Finally for the headline, I stare blankly into the middle distance, desperately wracking my brain for inspiration before finally bursting into tears and then my editor has to take over.
Totally worth it, I think you’ll agree.
Star Wars VII trailer ruined in the way all previous Star Wars things have been ruined
You know what George Lucas is like…
Mrs Lucas: “Are you coming to bed, dear?”
George: “Yes in a moment, I just need to do something on the computer.”
Mrs Lucas: “You’re not going to tinker with Star Wars again are you?”
George: “No of course not, I’m just going to check on my eBay listings.”
Cut to one hour later: 10,000 Ewoks added to Empire Strikes Back and Hayden Christensen has been replaced with Taylor swift.
Here’s the ‘George Lucas special edition’ Episode VII trailer…
And of course that’s not the only parody doing the rounds, oh no, this is the internet after all.
Here’s the inevitable LEGO version…
The inevitable Wes Anderson version…
And the less inevitable Spaceballs version…
The office that taste forgot
“Well we loved your CV, you interviewed really well on both occasions, you’re clearly very incisive, forward-thinking and level-headed. Therefore we believe you’re a perfect fit within our organization. Unfortunately you chose not to wear a business Christmas suit in your second interview and, as it’s December, that’s a massive faux pas and we won’t be taking your application any further.”
Available from Opposuits, but you probably shouldn’t.
Alternate universe Econsultancy
Obviously we’ve had a glorious redesign of our site (look, you can now read it on your mobile while walking down Oxford St you ignorant tourist!) and as you’d expect every element has been deliberated and tinkered with to the finest degree including our homepage image.
Our brilliant customer experience executive Christopher Hipson has supplied me with some test mock-ups of the homepage used before launch that show just how menacing having a big red dot as a logo really is.
Make your own Magic Eye
Finally after 20 years, the technology to make your very own Magic Eye is at our fingertips.
Now gaze at the following image, let one eye relax, let the other focus really hard and try not to go blind fathoming the secret symbol I have placed within…
He’s a man’s man’s man’s man
Here’s Nic Offerman singing a powerful lament for his two loves. “You can’t play a song and drink whiskey, whether singing in that or in this keeeey!”
The Venn diagram of where Cookie Monster fans and appreciators of 18th century Japanese artist Hokusai meets is probably very slim, but just for you ‘connoisseurs’ here’s a weird bastardisation that’s just too perfect…
Sandler! *shakes fist at screen*
Sony Pictures Entertainment has been having a rough old time of it lately, with troubles external (North Korea supposedly) and self-inflicted (did you see that last Spider-man film?) undermining the company. Now an internal memo has leaked, putting the blame for the company’s troubles squarely on one man forever in baggy t-shirts and Gap slacks. The full story is over at Gawker, but for now here’ s a little highlight.
The answer is clear: stop sending Adam Sandler and his buddies on paid vacations for two months of the year.
Down in front!
You’ll be able to spot photographer Francois Dourlen easily when you’re out and about. He’ll be the guy taking a picture of his own iPhone with a nice big expensive digital SLR camera and grinning smugly to himself.
Did you know that Vin Diesel is a massive Dungeons and Dragons fan? No? Well why would you.
The true power of the internet
Five random people from across the USA discovered their grandmothers gave them the same weird Noah’s Ark themed vest/waistcoat/abomination this week.
Here’s the first guy who posted his picture on Reddit…
This was followed by many a comment along the lines of “are you sure this is homemade because MY grandma gave me the exact same vest?” and self-posted images of these fancy gentlefolk…
Now I don’t want to go around accusing anyone’s grandmother of being a liar or anything, but Happy Place has uncovered some damning evidence in the form of this eBay listing…
Grandmothers… not to be trusted anymore.
The Count counts Pi to 10,000 places
In many ways we are staring the end-times right in the face and willing it to back down through sheer cultural cannibalisation and tedium.
That’s it for this week, me and the internet are off now to go hat shopping. Cue wacky montage!