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Despite last week's machinations, I've given up on trying to keep this weekly round-up of amusing internet things 'evergreen'.
So prepare for a topical assault of Flappy Bird, Sochi, Valentine's Day, The Lego Movie and flood misery, rendering the future readability of this article as redundant and confusing as a two year-old repeat of Have I Got New For You.
If you do have any questions at the end, me and internet will be holding a Reddit AMA later on this afternoon. Only we'll be using the pseudonym Jennifer Lawrence.
For the modern masochist
For those who were too late to the party and missed out on Flappy Bird because it was mercifully yanked from the App Store before you’d even heard about it, don’t waste your money on buying a second-hand, Flappy Bird enabled iPhone from eBay for £7,000.
Instead the good folks Sesame Street have come to your rescue.
Clicking above takes you through to a desktop version. I got a top score of three. In the end though I was just plunging Bert into the ground as soon as the game started just so I could hear him scream “Ernie!”
Every Prince hairstyle from 1978 to 2013
Watch for long enough and old Prince segues neatly into young Prince.
Obligatory LEGO reference of the week
If I’ve managed it for the last three weeks, I may as well include it in the week that The LEGO Movie: content marketing triumph is released.
Click below for all nine LEGOfied Oscar nominee posters.
Somehow the gravitas of 12 Years a Slave is lost in these reproductions.
154 ways to leave your lover
This is too clever. Far too clever. A couple breaks-up through the sole language of movie titles.
Who knew there were so many films with ‘shame’ in the title? Apart from Shame of course.
‘Mannequin’ reaches its logical conclusion
Tired of being labeled a ‘spinster’ and having to fend off multiple questions of “so when are you going to find a man and settle down”, photographer Suzanne Heintz went through a stage we all go through at one point in our lives.
Heintz went to a shop and purchased a collection of mannequins to recreate moments of family bliss on camera.
Click below for more of the semi-creepy same.
The fictional Republic of Zubrowka welcomes you
Wes Anderson has a new film called The Grand Budapest Hotel out soon and there are some magnificent, fictional websites out there to promote it. There’s the impressively detailed Zubrowka Film Commission site and this gorgeous ‘historical study’…
What’s the film about? Well if I know Wes Anderson it will involve Bill Murray, a Wilson brother and many other broken souls coming together through familial conflict. Or it’s a remake of Krull.
Obligatory Star Wars reference of the week
Here’s some Sochi Winter Olympic skiers being blasted by some AT-ATs because the internet and Star Wars.
Use your microphone or mouse to bounce some balls around your screen.
I suppose you could be doing worse things on the internet, however that half-completed spreadsheet isn’t going to add data to itself now, is it?
Cold heart… melting…
The Berks County Animal Rescue League has begun a program of inviting school kids to read to the homeless cats in its shelter.
Click below to see the results, if you dare.
I’ll start reading to my cat Otis when I get home. I’ll try Don DeLillo but I bet he’s the kind of fussy git who prefers Pynchon.
Buzz begat Nemo and Nemo begat Wall-E and Wall-E begat Sully
I wanted to include this in my round-up of 14 blockbusting examples of movie website design but it didn’t quite fit the remit.
If you haven’t seen this already, it’s a comprehensive theory that all of the Pixar movies exist within the same universe.
Yes, even Cars 2.
It’s incredibly white inside too
Here’s a cringeworthy and yet somehow utterly adorable video of two teachers relaying the message that school is closed via the medium of rap.
Be thankful they didn't go for something from the Naughty By Nature back catalogue.
That's your lot for this week. Me and the internet are going out for a quiet romantic lunch. The internet's paying.
For more weekly round-up hijinks, check out last week's 11 cracking reasons to stick with this whole internet fad for another week.