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I wrote a previous post on digital marketing clichés that was unexpectedly well received, so I'm writing a second to include the remaining lines that I couldn't put in the first one - with a focus on more general sayings this time.

So, without further ado, here are ten more jargon-fuelled crackers.

All intended in balance-redressing humour, once again:

1. We need to be more agile

Should only really be said by gymnasts or yoga instructors.

Used: This one is usefully multi-purpose, it can be barked out in any situation and somehow sound meaningful.

Used by: Anyone who wants to sound decisive.

Actually means: This line has literally no meaning. It's just sounds.

2. Can we do some 'traditional' linkbuilding?

Hesitantly whispered, rather than said.

Used: When the 'organic' links have failed to materialise.

Used by: Account managers and strategic leads.

Usually means: F*** it! Let's get some old-skool paid links and directory submissions!

3. 20XX: The year of the cloud/mobile/convergence etc.

As reliably persistent as your own face.

Used: When it's the end of the year or a new year has begun.

Used by: This one's used by almost everyone at some point.

Usually means: 20XX: NOT yet the year of the cloud/mobile/convergence etc.

4. This content (project etc.) needs more added value

Please be more specific.

Used: When the usually superfluous point of making something more 'valuable' needs to be, well, added.

Used by: This ones really unpredictable, it can spring forth like a ninja from the mouth of someone you'd least expect it from.

Usually means: Let's just do the job well.

5. Can we talk everyone through the deck?

…DECK!?

Used: When said 'deck' has just been built.

Used by: Managers and middle managers.

Usually means: Let's use an hour or so of time treading through this sixty-two slide Powerpoint presentation, when we could probably be getting on with some other stuff that would actually make said 'deck' a lot better.

6. Let's try and get this to go viral

Semi-shouted in a brief moment of hysteria.

Used: When a garish infographic for Steve's Miniature Bonsais has just been produced.

Used by: Any humble witness to said infographic's viral potency.

Usually means: Let's send out a few haphazard tweets and 'shout outs' then calm down and get on with some other work.

7. I need you to be at level 10

Dystopian; mildly terrifying. Reminiscent of a Scientology meeting.

Used: Before important meetings, or after a training session where this kind of lazy thinking has been imparted.

Used by: anyone in charge of a given situation or group of people.

Actually means: I would like you to abandon and defy your natural human instincts, and begin behaving on an arbitrary scale of 1 to 10.

8. These comments are my own

No one ever says this when they answer the phone. 

Used: When a strangely apologetic caveat is needed for personal opinions, mainly on Twitter.

Used by: A wide range of people who don't usually need the disclaimer.

Usually means: My employer might be polluting some of these comments.

9. We're just not communicating well enough in here...

Said so painfully seriously that it arouses immediate suspicion. 

Used: Whenever something important has been miscommunicated.

Used by: Whoever's most affected or has to answer to the client (while the rest of the office looks on sheepishly).

Usually means: EITHER let's hastily install some reactionary social technologies that we'll stop using in a fortnight OR let's all cram into the boardroom more often, even when the office policy on hats needs to be discussed.

9. This is earned media/ 10. Inbound marketing

Two very promising young digital marketing clichés.

Used: By anyone tired of the tired old clichés.

Used when: The tired old clichés need to be replaced by new-fangled clichés.

Usually means: Too early to say, but the meaning's being lost already.

There are a load more - including a plethora of lines around innovation and collaboration (two words that I now associate with doom) - but I think I've exhausted this idea now.

I feel emotionally drained, but purged. This is as good as going travelling.

But have I missed anything? Have I been too harsh? Have I not been harsh enough? Is this hubris? Any 'favourite' lines to share that I've missed?

Michael Wilkins

Published 12 April, 2012 by Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins is a freelance Online Consultant and a contributor to Econsultancy. You can contact him on LinkedIn.

9 more posts from this author

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Steve Gershik

Thanks for this. It had me literally laughing out loud.

about 4 years ago

Marty Hayes

Marty Hayes, Digital Director at Venture Stream

Nice couple of posts Mike.

I'm particularly fond of 'the deck'. When did this happen? When I was at school it was called 'Powerpoint'. When I was at uni it was still called 'Powerpoint'. Yet somehow it's now know as a 'deck'. Bizarre.

One of my favourites, though not strictly a digital marketing cliche, is 'let's take this offline', as if we're somehow now constantly hooked up to 'meeting wi-fi' and we need to disconnect before we dare broach a controversial subject. Madness.

about 4 years ago

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Shane Mansfield

Amazing stuff. I've heard most of these before and I can't help but chuckle every time i do!

about 4 years ago

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Rob Rich

Great stuff. Personal favourite is #8, for 'these comments are my own...' read 'delusions of grandeur'

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Steve, that's great. That was my intention.

Martin, I've no idea where 'deck' has come from. It just furtively appeared one day and seems to have stuck.

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Agreed Rob. I hadn't really thought about that line in that way but you're right.

about 4 years ago

David Preece

David Preece, Head of Engagement at Beyond

You've gone viral, Mike. That'll be because of your traditional link building.

about 4 years ago

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Sam Dwyer, Analyst at Econsultancy

No one tells me what to say! Except for all these people who frequently pay me to say things!

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Very true Sam.

about 4 years ago

Eoin Kenneally

Eoin Kenneally, Ecommerce Consultant at Consultant

Excellent piece of work

about 4 years ago

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Nick

Brilliant! Definitely a pet hate of mine.
I will be adding these into buzz word bingo for next week.

about 4 years ago

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gareth edwards

I like people to think of reaching level 11 - it's one better than 10. And louder

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Gareth, thanks, you've just added some value with that comment.

about 4 years ago

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kathleen

Marketing Collateral..... no no its not the Tom Cruise spin off its another word for the stuff.... well the stuff that is hard work and can be very boring so lets not call it what it actually is, ok!

about 4 years ago

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Martin Duncan

This article has inherent socialocomotion, I am sure it will go blogospherical and be viralized unilaterally. Even those who are offline socially faceworking will be viralizing and leveraging this feed.

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Kathleen, damn! I totally forgot about 'collateral'. I thought the Tom Cruise thriller was being continually referred to for about half a year and bought the DVD to find out what all the fuss was about. it's an average film isn't it?

Martin, I 100% agree about the socialocomotion. In fact, I reckon this article has viral laringitis socialcomotion layering effects (in the blogosphere and other iSuburbs).

about 4 years ago

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Sarah Alder

Great to see so much vigorous ideation.

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Sarah, thanks for the online interaction in response to my ideation implementation.

about 4 years ago

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Kate Rose

Ah, #7; the new "giving it 110%". I do miss the old days of just 110%.
Thanks, made me smile in the face of a terrifying "to do" list :)

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Glad it made you smile Kate - that was my intention. I also miss the good old days of impossible 110 - 150% gives.

about 4 years ago

Heledd Jones

Heledd Jones, Head of Search Marketing at Confused.com

Brilliant post! Marty/Michael - 'Deck' seemed to appear circa middle of 2009 - I went travelling for 6 months, came back to work in the October of that year and had to ask my colleague what these 'decks' that everyone was referring to meant!

about 4 years ago

Michael Wilkins

Michael Wilkins, Freelance Digital & Content Marketing at Freelance

Heledd, yep, it popped up suddenly about that time. And I hope it starts to go away soon.

about 4 years ago

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