Dean Hunt at Deano’s World blog has received a hilarious / threatening letter from a bemused retailer who doesn’t remotely understand how Google works.

The as-yet-unnamed retailer in question emailed Dean with the following information: “Your site is now above us for this term. I have checked your blog and it has nothing to do with [edited keyphrase], so I think it would be best all round if you remove your blog from Google for this search term.”

Blimey. Weirdo request, but threats followed: “If you do not remove yourself from Google for this search, then I will call them myself and have you removed.”

Dean wrote back: “Are you serious? I had to re-read your e-mail three times to make sure my eyes were not playing tricks on me!”

He then pointed out that he never made any effort to rank for the keyphrase in question, nor could he easily ‘de-rank’ his blog for that term, and nor would he want to.

Too funny, right? It gets better. The retailer, by this time annoyed at ‘the sarcastic nature’ of Dean’s reply, duly contacted Google and also informed his lawyer.

He then proceeded to educate Dean on Google’s business model:“You have to understand that an online business should be higher in Google than a blog. Don’t forget that Google is a business as well, they obviously make more money from other businesses than they do from blogs, so it is in their interest that I am higher than you for certain searches.”

Right on, brother. Or perhaps not…